I Once Was Miss America

By Roxanne Gay

The Wakefield twins aren't real; they are the main characters of the Sweet Valley High series. I started reading the Sweet Valley High books when I was eight yeaor nine years old. I was cross-eyed and wore thick bifocals. Other than my younger brother, I was the only black kid in school, so I was going to be noticed even though I wanted very much to go unnoticed.
Question: How is it that you want to be unotised when further in the story you explain how you want to be popular and loved by others.
I was shy and awkward and didn't know how ot fix myself. My hair was wild, stood on end, earning me the inexplicable nicknames Hair, Bear, and Mustache even though I had nether a beard nor a mustache. My classmates also called me Don King. I looked nothing like Don King. He's a man, for one. I was told my parents "talked funny," which I later realized wa a reference to their thick Haitian accents, which I did not hear until they were pointed out to me, and then suddenly those accents were all I heard.
Analysis: I realize that the children are just trying to make her feel bad by making fun of her parents. And while it succeeds, The reason it does wasn't because her parents were insulted (it may hurt a little though). The reason she felt bad was because she begins to notice the differences between her family and other Americans and she then feels further away from her goal of becoming just 'one of the guys'. Also if the accents were all she heard everytime her parents spoke this must have hit her hard. She feels the weight of segregation very close to home.
I read books while I walked to school
Question: Isn't this dangerous? What could have happened if you weren't paying attention?
. I had the strangest laugh – somewhat halted and tentative – and a bit of a bucktooth situation. I regularly wore overalls by choice and didn't really know and curse words,
Question: how does knowing curse words make one popular? doesn't it only give the power to hurt someone?
so that should give you a sense of where I was on the social ladder – reaching for the bottom rung.

When I first started reading Sweet Valley High books, I wanted girls like the Wakefield twins to love me. I wanted the handsome boys who chased girls like those Wakefield twins to love me. I wanted the popular kids to pull me into their shelter of their golden embrace and make me popular too. Popularity is contagious. Many movies from the 1980s bear this theory out. I had hope, is what I'm saying, though certainly that hope was fragile.
Replace: And even-though they would never accept me, I still held hope wrapped in my little hands. I'd hoped that things would get better, that Things would change. And they did. However, it was not by some grand act I had accomplished that They accepted me. In fact it was the opposite. One afternoon as I was walking home reading how Jessica was about to sneak out of the house, I was stopped by the popular kids. They began their verbal abuse by casually mentioning how 'odd' my parents sounded everytime they opened their mouths. My little brother was there at the time and stood up for our mother and father, which earned him a shove to the ground by one of the older kids. It was at that moment that I couldn't stand it anymore and attacked. I knew that If I tried using words it would only come back to hurt me, so instead I used my fist. I whaled on the girl that pushed my brother down and broke her nose. After leaving to go get it fixed, some of the other students who were getting picked on cheered for me. That is how I met Racheal and Heather, my best friends. And while I didn't become popular that day, it was definetly that last day I felt alone or needed to go into my own little world. I just continued writing myself inside the story becasue I enjoyed it.