I Once Was Miss America
By Roxanne Gay
The Wakefield twins aren't real; they are the main characters of the Sweet Valley
High
series. I started reading the Sweet Valley High books when I was eight yeaor nine
years
old. I was cross-eyed and wore thick bifocals. Other than my younger brother, I was
the
only black kid in school, so I was going to be
noticed even though I wanted very much to go unnoticed.
Question: How is it that you want to be unotised when further in the story you
explain how you want to be popular and loved by others. I was shy and
awkward and didn't know how ot fix myself. My hair was wild, stood on end, earning
me
the inexplicable nicknames Hair, Bear, and Mustache even though I had nether a beard
nor
a mustache. My classmates also called me Don King. I looked nothing like Don King.
He's
a man, for one. I was told my parents "talked
funny," which I later realized wa a reference to their thick Haitian accents, which
I did not hear until they were pointed out to me, and then suddenly those accents
were all I heard.
Analysis: I realize that the children are just trying to make her feel bad by
making fun of her parents. And while it succeeds, The reason it does wasn't because
her
parents were insulted (it may hurt a little though). The reason she felt bad was because
she begins to notice the differences between her family and other Americans and she
then
feels further away from her goal of becoming just 'one of the guys'. Also if the accents
were all she heard everytime her parents spoke this must have hit her hard. She feels
the weight of segregation very close to home.
I read books while I walked to school
Question: Isn't this dangerous? What could have happened if you weren't paying
attention?.
I had the strangest laugh – somewhat halted and tentative – and a bit of a bucktooth
situation. I regularly wore overalls by choice and didn't really know and curse words,
Question: how does knowing curse words make one popular? doesn't it only give
the power to hurt someone?so that should give you a sense
of where I was on the social ladder – reaching for the bottom rung.
When I first started reading Sweet Valley High books, I wanted girls like the Wakefield
twins to love me. I wanted the handsome boys who chased girls like those Wakefield
twins
to love me. I wanted the popular kids to pull me into their shelter of their golden
embrace and make me popular too. Popularity is
contagious. Many movies from the 1980s bear this theory out. I had hope, is what I'm
saying, though certainly that hope was fragile.
Replace: And even-though they would never accept me, I still held hope wrapped
in my little hands. I'd hoped that things would get better, that Things would change.
And they did. However, it was not by some grand act I had accomplished that They
accepted me. In fact it was the opposite. One afternoon as I was walking home reading
how Jessica was about to sneak out of the house, I was stopped by the popular kids.
They
began their verbal abuse by casually mentioning how 'odd' my parents sounded everytime
they opened their mouths. My little brother was there at the time and stood up for
our
mother and father, which earned him a shove to the ground by one of the older kids.
It
was at that moment that I couldn't stand it anymore and attacked. I knew that If I
tried
using words it would only come back to hurt me, so instead I used my fist. I whaled
on
the girl that pushed my brother down and broke her nose. After leaving to go get it
fixed, some of the other students who were getting picked on cheered for me. That
is how
I met Racheal and Heather, my best friends. And while I didn't become popular that
day,
it was definetly that last day I felt alone or needed to go into my own little world.
I
just continued writing myself inside the story becasue I enjoyed it.